Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Power Balance-type products continue to THRIVE

Power Balance hit a rough patch yesterday. Nice to see that the Sacramento Kings, who are owed $100,000 from Power Balance, still believe in the snake-oil merchant. Kings owners, the Maloofs, have been accused of many things. Over-education or staggering intelligence haven't been any of them.

But it's not as if "magical apparel accessories" have fallen by the wayside. Here are a few bogus products on offer for gullible folks with money to spent.

Some of these charlatans avoid making claims in the text of their websites. But who reads websites? The wild claims are made (with amusing animations) in their slickly produced videos. See for yourself.

Phiten (Click the link to go to Phiten's lawyer-approved technology page.)

Powered by "aqueous titanium." Phiten assures us that titanium doesn't want to be aqueous. Phiten has developed a method for aquifying titanium and infusing it into wristbands and necklaces. Therefore, Phiten products must improve athletic performance. Wait, what?

There's this from eHow. (Now I know that nothing on eHow is to be believed.)
"The magnetized titanium bracelets are also believed to hold a positive charge. In alternative medicine, pain is said to have a negative charge. If you will remember back to middle school science class, you will know that a positive charge and a negative charge cancel out one another. Thus, the titanium bracelet relieves pain by neutralizing it."

The juxtaposing of alternative medicine belief (woo) with middle school science (reality) is typical of homeopathetics. It turns out that neither pain nor titanium are charged. And titanium isn't even magnetic (ferromagnetic). But that's just piling on.

Trion:Z (Click the link to go to their mind-boggling "technology" page.)

Powered by magnets and Mineon fibers (which produce abundant amounts of negative ions). I don't know what kind of material can be counted on to release an endless stream of ions. Except for radioactive sources. Remember, radioactive objects were once marketed as health-enhancers.

Chances are that no ions are given off by Trion:Z products.

Sadly, you can get a Trion:Z necklace bearing the University of Michigan's licensed block M logo. Other money-grubbing "institutions of higher learning" have signed on to this hollow profiteering enterprise, too. But the block M just hurts.

8ight: Keys to Health (Click the link to see 8ight's mind-numbing science page.)

No bogus claims in that video ad!

Powered by holograms, just like Power Balance. There are people with the title of "Dr." who support 8ight. The Southeastern Conference is well represented in 8ight's offerings.

There are more where they came from. And they'll thrive as long as people are prepared to surrender cash for these products. Power Balance is on its way out, but there is no shortage of copy-cats. If anything, they're probably rubbing hands together with glee at the prospect of the "market leader" going down in flames. Let's hope the fire spreads.

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